Life points you in the right direction sometimes.

“It’ll all be okay.”

Amid incomprehensible loss, it’s our nature to offer worn-out platitudes like “You’ll get past this” or “You’ll rebuild.” “There must be a bright side,” or “You’ll find love again.” The truth is, we don’t know.

We say these things because it’s too painful to be present with loss. We think offering hope might make us feel better. But it doesn’t—not when you’re in pain. Ask those who have lost entire homes and treasured tiki bars to the raging fires in Los Angeles this week. Or talk to those who lost loved ones, houses, and businesses from the hurricane floods in the mountains of North Carolina. If you’ve experienced profound loss, you know the truth. You feel the fear. You understand. You might be forever changed. Your loss is permanent. You can’t rebuild what is irreplaceable. You might not be fortunate enough to find love again. Sometimes, all that’s left are memories.

Ken knows these feelings. When he unexpectedly lost Lori a little more than a year ago, nothing could be said. No words would make it all okay. After more than twenty joyous years together, Ken was left alone with a lifetime of memories … and a beautiful tiki sundress hanging in an artisan frame at the entrance to the House of Tabu.

A few years back, when Ken would suggest a new carving or a favorite work of art to put on the wall at the entrance to the House of Tabu. Lori would pause just long enough to make it look like she was considering his idea, but would then respond, “No, you shouldn’t hang that there.” Ken was in the dark. Why did his ideas keep getting turned down? He didn’t know that Lori had already picked the perfect work of art for that favored spot. She had commissioned Artist David Krys to create a custom frame for a memorable dress, the one she had worn the day that Ken and she had met over two decades before. Neither Ken nor Lori was into Tiki at the time, but both loved retro and vintage fashion, so it seemed perfect (and later down-right prophetic) that Lori chose a tiki-print sun dress for their first date. The framed dress was the perfect gift for Ken’s 60th birthday and the crowning jewel for the House of Tabu, his home Tiki bar.

The House of Tabu perfectly blended midcentury, lounge, and Tiki style. A central bar where Ken could command the room and serve tasty cocktails sat in the middle of the space. On one end was a cozy jungle foliage-covered, faux-zebra fur booth with pictures and memorabilia from his many travels. The other end provided a fireplace with seats for intimate conversations next to this wonderful collection of artist-designed mugs from his House of Tabu collection. The overall aesthetic was mid-mod clean but teamed with carvings and art from countless artists, many of whom contributed to his well-known publication, Exotica Moderne. At the entrance stood Lori’s framed dress and a Pachinko machine that had been restored and was ready to play. The House of Tabu was the stuff of Polynesiacs’ dreams.

A few weeks ago, Ken left the House of Tabu behind him. It, too, is now just a memory. He sold his house with the exotic basement bar, moved to Indianapolis, and settled into a new home. Will there be a new tiki bar? Likely so. The most promising development? Ken’s been lucky enough to meet a wonderful woman who, interestingly, already enjoys rum and tiki drinks. “Life points you in the right direction sometimes, and I am grateful,” he confided.

I had to admit. Ken’s recent luck in life gave me hope. Maybe it will all be okay after all.