“Houston, we’ve got a problem.”
Bryce couldn’t recreate the Mai Tai, and this was a problem. He found the recipe for the drink, got some rum, and bought some fruit juice, but when he tried making it at home, it didn’t taste right. But Bryce wasn’t going to give up until he made it perfectly. If you know Bryce, you know that when he goes in, he goes all in. Friends even call him “All-In Bryce.” The fact that he couldn’t make the drink on the first attempt only made him more determined to recreate the beverage perfectly for his new bride.
It was several years ago. Bryce and Xanthia had just returned home to Texas from an idyllic honeymoon on Oahu. While on the island, the newlyweds sampled the Mai Tais from several establishments. Some were decent, others were just ok. It was when they sipped the Halekulani Mai Tai at the House Without a Key that they found a favorite. The taste of the delicious, cold cocktail topped with Lemon Hart 151 overproof rum paired with the warm, colorful views of the ocean and vista were magical. They decided on a new mission. Recreate the Mai Tai back home in Houston.
Getting the Mai Tai just right proved to be a challenge. Was it the alluring sunset that was missing? What was the right blend of rums? Perhaps the old Kiawe Tree? Did he have the right orgeat? Were they missing the view of Diamond Head or the lulling sounds of the Pacific? Was it too tart or too sweet? The launch phase was research. Bryce found Beachbum Berry’s Re-Mix book and realized: “Oh, ok, it’s all about the rums you use.” Then, he did a taste test of the orgeats to find the best. Xanthia had to admit, “Now it’s getting there.” Next there was more to learn about the importance of fresh lime juice and which concentration of simple syrup worked best.
That’s how Xanthia and Bryce got lost in Tiki space. The mission to recreate a single Mai Tai launched an obsession. Like many Polynesiacs, the desire to perfect a complex tropical cocktail led to research about rum, which connected to Tiki, which opened up a sub-culture, which encouraged a road trip to the Mai-Kai (for rum barrels, of course!), which meant they had to have matchy-matchy aloha clothing, and on, and on. The launch into Tiki felt quite natural to Xanthia. Her father spent time as a sailor in the British Merchant Navy. Growing up, Xanthia heard tales of her father sailing the world, getting pissed at the officer’s club, and living through Black Tot Day. Even though she was only 8 at the time, her father made her promise to never drink more than a couple of Zombies when she got old enough to drink. For Bryce, his fascination with Tiki history tethered him deeper into research about the Tiki originators such as Don the Beachcomber and Trader Vic, revivalists like Beachbum Berry or Sven Kirsten, as well as local Houston tiki icons like Albert Gee. For both, there was an endless bounty of spirits to sip, legends to learn, and tales to tell.
Of course, the Extended Operations Phase of their mission was a home Tiki bar. Xanthia and Bryce wanted it to be the right mix of Texas and Tiki, but the name wouldn’t come easy. It took time, and many rejected suggestions, but when “South Seas Saloon” rolled off the tip of their tongues, Xanthia and Bryce had their epiphany. The alliteration was simple, resonated a bit old school, yet contained that unexpected Texas twist.
The South Seas Saloon encapsulates that mix. Xanthia has collected black velvet paintings from artists like Tiki Juanita. Bryce has focused on collecting historical artifacts from the Houston Trader Vic’s and other mid-century Texas Tiki temples, such as Dobbs House Luau and the Poly-Asian restaurants. Both have rescued Witco pieces, collected tiki mugs, and found vintage Hawaiian collectibles. They have tikis from local carvers like Roy Main and revivalists like Bosko. They won the high bid for a cannibal tiki by LeRoy Schmaltz at the closing auction of Oceanic Arts. There are even pillows with a South Seas Saloon logo designed by Jason Straughan, the Boozy Doodler.
When I visited the Space City’s South Seas Saloon, there were clearly no problems to report back to Mission Control. Now the expert, Bryce spared no Texas or Tiki detail. Bryce served us a well-balanced and delicious “Astronaut” – a Suffering Bastard cocktail riffing on the Jet Pilot. We sipped our drinks in glassware designed by The Boozy Doodler from Lei Low, the beloved Houston Tiki bar. The cocktail was the perfect mix of Santa Teresa Anejo, Coruba Dark, and Hamilton Overproof 151 rums, with lime juice, passionfruit, and honey, garnished with a tiny, flag-planting astronaut.
After finishing my first drink, I achieved orbit without a hitch. “All good here … Houston, you copy?”
